In a tee shirt from my old relationship
That is where I am these days
It’s worn, comfortable and cozy
There’s usually silence around me when I wear it
I remember when I first got it
We were moving into a recently renovated “loft” apartment
I had decided my “style” in those days was gonna be
different solid color tee shirts
with different color industrial pants
and earthen-colored New Balance sneakers
She did not approve of my newly discovered fashion sense
scoffed at me the day I showed up to sign the lease
wearing this same brown tee shirt
with some red workman’s pants
About 10 minutes after signing the lease
we fucked hard and furiously
on the freshly glossed hardwood floor
what would become our bedroom
my semen spilling there between the panels of old flooring
These blondes are pretty cute on TV.
They place them in nice dresses.
They follow their contours.
You know what it’s like
to be placed in nice dresses
and have your contours followed.
It’s a delicate world of vanity we build.
It helps us in our head.
It’s delicate and tender the touches
in our heart.
All of them are. All of them are.
We build. We build.
You, I and God know
this is what those nice dresses do.
Let’s place more of the blondes and
brunettes like you
Go down to church, new shopping malls,
Our thinking will be good for teenagers,
millionaires and tycoons.
Our thinking will be good.
Molochs of masculinity.
Messages from New York City.
Silk blouses across breasts.
Steak dinners times ten.
Well, who’s name rang from my lips
working the filo dough in the pantry
Who’s softness I pressed into upon
White laid the powder on the cold marble
Her forearms churned and folded
what would be burning
with goat cheese and caramelized onions
there in the air with kisses
to the neck
before fornication arrived with a bucket
We drank champagne that day
after we ate
and our gonads swelled like flowers
while gas burners burned on the stove
and the radiator burned on the wall in the bedroom
But it was my afternoons in Mexico
when I was young
that made me know how to live all of this
so I am still living
even when like a typical adult
I am really not living
but peering into some process that devalues
the logic of value
the greatest gift of the scientist or poet
is to disrupt the systems of value
others can learn how to live liberated
is needing love
They love for
The televisioned ones
the nervous proving
The 21st Century
more than I
need its iterations
The nouveau stuff
Its archaic stylings
for marketing’s self-destruction
Let us create
and then let us kill markets
Yeah, it or you
the neurosis eats itself
when advertised to
and leading towards
Then there’s business
and those who love for commerce
But I choose to be
So I listen meditatively
to a love of nothingness
love that understands the
Nayr, not the love of association
She left him
because he was
a heroin addict.
He went on
New York Times
pain and struggle.
a copy of the article
he threw it
in the trash
for stuff like that.
He had lived 44 years
what made him happy.
to New York City
an advertising director
who left her
she was 47.
Something better came along.
in her 30s.
her still and quiet condo
she read that article
her former love
and broke down
like she had not
when some mean girls
were cruel to her
for wearing cheap clothing.
How it taught her
to be pretentious
and guide her
motivations throughout her life.
She realized now
why she didn’t stay
to help him.