To Smell Water

I can say my love for you is to smell water

to smell water in the Clackamas woods

In Crown Heights Brooklyn I first smelled
the scent of your mineral presence

left solitary beside bricks
with the taste of your lips
burned to infolds of genetic material
dismembered
recalled recurring refolded

Formed a dominion
a landscape of eras
fires burning on far distant planets

To go away for a trillion years
a natural headlong cosmic journey
but the division of atoms happens again
and
probability says
we will kiss
in some form or some manner
as time is long enough

and it is

It won’t be the last breath we say “again”

“I’ve felt this somewhere before”

So I smell you in water, the water of stale houses
or the rusted pipes of Andean fountains
corroded by the good honest rocks up high

Computer Of The Long Heart

There’s always sounds in busy small towns

Cars passing by
Trucks loading up
Trains moving on
Metal slamming down

Then there’s you in my heart

Beside the sheet metal warehouses
upended sidewalks
overgrown tallgrasses

The blue of the January sky, suspicious of Spring
like every ocean I’ve looked upon
of course reminds me of your eyes

so though lost, I am always found

With the first mate’s allegiance in my genetics
I’m at home on the ocean or amongst the vastness of stars
so I walk across this busy small town
in the same consciousness we share

And the children chase the dogs as they did
in 1960s Stalingrad, ancient Rome
and now this Americana

Their screams and barks bounce off chain link fences

I go further into the Cosmos with you in my heart

I will die someday, but I believe something eternal
something whole and inseparable

You and I

S.S.B.E., or shared separate biological existence

Little Ways

All the little ways that love falls apart

To perfectly part, not to perfectly part

Left a bag in a cart on a subway

On Sunday argued in the pouring rain

Fucked up the umbrella, then annihilated it
against a cold gray light pole
off the avenue

Were we trying to understand something?

The dog you didn’t train very well went to
a good home
where a young boy loved her with all his
heart
and she passed away after about seven years

I left a bowl on the table
You said don’t do that
I said “so, sue me”
You wanted more salt in the dish

The rain soaked kisses made your kisses taste
like tomatoes
in the air
when we breathed over fresh cut fields
at a different time, different place
making up
when we should have always made up

when we did we made up really good

A Hair And Shinto Prayer

I found a piece of her brunette hair
embedded in the back of a painting she gave me.
I could no longer bear to see that painting
so I took it down from my wall.
But I took her hair and laid it on a shelf
all alone with a Japanese Shinto prayer for
everlasting life.
On the 4th of each month I gather to meditate
for 42 minutes around the hair and Shinto prayer,
focusing on all the preciousness behind that hair
and praying for everlasting life for our love.
I don’t believe I’ll ever see an answer to my hopes
and prayers in this life.
But still I pray and protect the existence of that hair
with all the allegiance of a monk in a remote monastery
where time has passed by
and he knows no other way of being,

where time has passed by
and his sacred, unending faith continues.

My Love Has Diffuse Modulatory Systems

The sunrise is transitory
when it touches me
and I use it
to talk to you clandestinely.
The light talks to
your sacred pituitary gland
then
you know me
in your head
and heart.

Even though
you’ve set out
to forget me,
in
the sunlight
you will
know me
everyday
on this sweet Earth.

It’s what we share.
It’s how we love.

I give thanks
to
your
diffuse modulatory systems,
they make you human
even
when
you work your hardest
not to be,
to be callous, resentful and cold
as
you grow old.

I grow eternal.

I know you’re not a robot
and
the sunlight traveling
tells you something otherwise
in
your corporeal heart
that rushes upon the universe,
that your head
occasionally listens to.

1,364 Light Years Away

What are these things I stare at in the store?

They’re not legs or asses.

They’re moments of nothingness

that turn into frozen eternities

where the only cognizant thought I have

is how much I love you.

Then I see again

with fluorescence around me.

I have bones that hold me up to go forward

and the sadness of a world at war

begins to live again

for the followers of symbols and power.

Not the philosophers of moments.

The moments are empty here,
ungathered by mortals and products.

It’s what the aliens were calling knowledge

one thousand three hundred and sixty-four

light years away in their past.

Green Gray Red Cliffs Of Kerry

We went to see the Muppet movie
with hope in our hearts

We got in a fight earlier that night

Fifteen thousand miles of moving and
fifty thousand dollars poured down the drain
between us

No movie could summarize the pain between
us

But we both sat there and cried
when the credits started rolling

She grabbed my hand tightly with her veiny
hand

I knew then that the end was near

Something so simple could annihilate us
as humans

We were already annihilated as humans

How her brown hair, blue eyes and curt tongue
are more sacred
than the green, gray and red cliffs of Kerry

in my heart

Gendered Love

With gendered love

With gendered love

I want a woman who looks perfect

Who can get pregnant

A man with lots of money

Who answers sentences perfectly

I want his pleated pants to step up
before me

Before the room I want him to have
the answers
in baritone

Just before her hair is sprayed and shaped
the way that hair should be
on television or magazines

And lets not forget the dinner parties
and sport cars
that contain such broken empathies

The Astronaut

Because of your loss

I’ve learned the courage
to travel into the stars
across vast expanses of nothingness

Silence and silence

Darkness and darkness

Empty houses in memories

Nothing else

I would become a space traveler now

Before, I never would have

I know what it takes to love without return
without forgiveness
to love and never be loved again

to ultimately be alone on a cosmic journey

I would have been too terrified
to accept this unending consciousness

and these things that have their end

I am ready for the stars now

Bring me forth to fire

Winter Won’t Kill You 2

The winter won’t kill you there

Buried under leaves

Crusty dried and dusty hardwood leaves

My heart beats

Silence and silence speaks

Silence has a lot to say with these hills
leading the way
to the sundown

I know nothingness equates to everything

because here and also there

in midnight and also where there is no light

the winter won’t kill you

Even if I were to die on the sea

You in your nice home then

would be like more than the appearance
of constellations

turning towards the always you forget and
remember